Five things you MUST do on your first date with an Asian lady.

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So you’ve got a “first date” with an Asian lady you are interested in. The “MUST’s” of your date are not brain surgery. They are pretty much the same as first date advice in any culture, but for an Asian/Western first date there may be some nuances that are different from what you would need to do for a first date within your own culture.

So here we go …

1. Smile — This is the first MUST, and pretty much commonsensical (nobody wants a second date with a sourpuss or someone that looks like they’re sucking on a lemon). But some Asians, while they like and welcome a “smile”, are less comfortable with someone that comes off as a grinning monkey. Just give a friendly grin that seems to communicate, “I’m happy to meet you and look forward to making a new friend.”

2. Avoid Conflict — Why on earth would you want to talk about subjects that could remotely generate conflict between the two of you. You can have spirited debates on your second, third, whatever dates. This first date should be “smooooth”, and I spell it that way for a reason. No pressure, no force.  So take politics, religion, international relations, etc. off the agenda.  I call these the “conversational minefields,” and you may not know you’ve stepped on one until it explodes. There are unlimited safe subjects to share about, e.g. music, movies, the weather, hobbies/sports, etc.

3.Compliment — An easy MUST to practice and a quick, effortless way to warm up to each other. Give the compliment early, building on your engaging smile. Everybody likes to be complimented, so pick something about your Asian lady you can honestly compliment her about. But be careful. Asian women seem to have a gift for sniffing out insincerity in Western men. Pick something you honestly like and tell her. It can be her hair, dress, etc. , but make it real. It can even be her nails, if it’s apparent she or the salon spent time on them.

4. Take Turns — This one can be a little tricky, but once you’re aware of it it’s not so hard. Your Asian lady will want to learn more about you, especially since even though your mutual introduction provided some information and background, you are still a “foreigner” to her. On her side she will ask questions and listen to your answers, but don’t get so engrossed in your story that you hog the conversation. One additional suggested MUST here is the reminder that your Asian lady will be conversing (and listening) in what for her is a second language. Speak as slowly as necessary and be ready to clarify what you said, or  what she is not quite sure she heard correctly.

5. Thank Her — This is just a good manners MUST. You both invested some of your private time in meeting, so sincerely thank her for hers. It doesn’t matter if a spark is not there from your side, or hers. You both made the effort, and now are certainly “acquaintances,” and maybe even “friends.” Thank her! Oh, and one additional thought here. Although if on this particular date you did not meet the special one you are looking for, there are three subsequent outcomes that may follow, all of them good: 1) your mutual opinions may change and you both want to see each other again in a “date” situation,  2) the two of you may remain in contact as friends and enjoy seeing each other in groups or special occasions and 3) knowing what she now knows about you, she connects you to a friend of hers who just might be perfect.

OK, there are the five MUSTS for your first date with an Asian lady. Like we said, it’s pretty much common sense and being polite. Your mother probably taught you what to do. Now do it!

Please follow us on Twitter @AsianWesternLov .

 

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Reasons Why (some) Western Men Prefer Asian Women

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AWL_4AWL_1 Ok, OK… I know everybody has their own   reasons for anything they do, and that  applies to why “some” Western men are very attracted to Asian women.

I’m not talking here about the guys who see Asian women as sexy, readily available bar girls. Many of those guys formed (or reinforced) their views after repeatedly watching the movie, “Hangover 2 -Bangkok” or saving up and taking a holiday in Thailand and gravitating to the “sex districts” in Bangkok, Pattaya, etc.

I’m talking here about Western men who find Asian ladies more attractive (in many ways, not just physically) than Western women, and more desirable for forming and keeping a long term relationship.

While I can’t speak for everyone who shares that view, I CAN speak for myself and given that I have been married for four years  to my wonderful Thai wife,  I believe I have some basis for doing so.

With that as the set up, here are just three reasons why I (and maybe a lot of other Western men) are attracted to Asian women, and seek long term relationships with them, preferring them to the candidates we have in the general dating/marriage pool of women in the West.

Now remember, these are MY reasons

  1. Physically Attractive — Asian women, on balance, are more physically attractive than their Western counterparts in all age brackets. I know this sounds very shallow as a criterion for selecting a long term partner, but it is a fact. Asian genetics with their high cheek bones, full lips, etc. fight off the wrinkles. Their diets (although they are starting to be more westernized with fast food, etc.) help fight the extra pounds that Western women seem to start putting on after 40. Sure, there are prematurely wrinkled and fat Asian women, but they’re not as prevalent as in the West, and again, the overwhelming majority rank right up there at 7+ or better.
  2. Open, Loyal and Committed — All right, I know what you’re saying, “There are plenty of Western women like that, too.” And there are. This is also not to say that Asian women are meek, submissive, walk-three-steps-behind. They are strong, have their own opinions and in their cultures just as “liberated” as their Western sisters. However, most do come from societies that historically have clearly delineated the lines between men and women, not in a bad way, but in a mutually supportive good way that builds strong relationships. Some of it also comes, I think, from the influence of Buddhism throughout their cultures. I guess I would shorthand it as describing the Asian/Western relationship as almost always symbiotic, or 1+1=3 (or more). It seems too often in Western/Western couples there is an almost subliminal competitiveness that doesn’t always add support, and may in fact reduce what synergy was there when they started out.
  3. Mysterious, Exotically Different — OK, this one is all mine, but I KNOW it is shared by many of my Western friends (whether they are in or are seeking a relationship with an Asian lady). What you have in many Western minds is “she is different,” and almost always that’s seen in a good way. It’s not to say that Western guys (or I) sought out Asian women, because they looked, believed and acted DIFFERENT from Western women, but it gives the potential or blossoming relationship a uniqueness and freshness that many men find highly stimulating. And that in turn reinforced my personal view regarding Asian women, where #’s 1 and 2 above were concerned.

So there you have my two cents. Not saying my reasons are the only ones or the best ones, but they are working for my Thai wife and me.

We welcome your comments and other reasons or you comments you might have.

Oh, and please follow us on Twitter @AsianWesternLov . We’ll be launching our Bangkok-located matchmaking service soon, and want everyone to get the news early.

Couples Kit — Real Help or Gimmick ?

ChoicesThere is a Canadian company marketing a “Couples Kit” they say will help couples see if they are a good match. It is an at-home test that can claims it can scientifically predict whether you and your partner are a good long term match. Users submit a DNA sample for analysis and fill out an online questionnaire, which when scored by the company that created this, Ontario-based Instant Chemistry, users get feedback about each others’ personalities and how compatible there are.

The Couples Kit costs $164 USD, which seems like a pretty fair price, IF you believe it is effective doing what it claims.

Many people seeking a meaningful relationship instead will use an online dating service giving them a wide number of prospective partners and trusting themselves to evaluate how well potential matches may work out.

Of course using a matchmaking service can be the best, safest and ultimately most effectively predictive way to find the perfect “Right One.”

We’ll see whether this Couples Kit is successful in the market or turns out to be just a short term novelty gimmick. Our betting here at Asian Western Love is it won’t last long. Not because it doesn’t actually do what it claims (analyzing DNA and survey answers), but because there is so much more involved in finding the perfect match.

How do you know when it’s the real thing?

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I read an interesting, but short piece the other day by P. David Hornik. He set out his ideas as to what a relationship should have, if it’s going to be truly long lasting … perhaps, even, forever (as most all of us may be seeking!).

Hornik’s indicators are simple, and perhaps somewhat expected, but it’s nice to have another person confirm what we all should either know or suspect is necessary for that “REAL RELATIONSHIP.”

1. It ought to be fun. This one’s easy. If a relationship isn’t “fun,” why are you in it. No, it doesn’t have to be fun all the time, but if it’s not fun more time than not, you better be going….somewhere else, unless you are some kind of masochist.

2. No “excessive” demands. OK, everyone has their own “requirements,” “requests” …who knows, but a “demanding” relationship can get pretty heavy, pretty fast. Monitor the demands you each make on each other, VERY carefully.

3. Do you both “fit.” This one’s easy. Do you both easily go together. No, you can be different and like different things, but if you just feel happy together, you’ll know you’ve got a good “fit.”

4.  Accept each other. This kind of goes with the “fit” above in #3 and it’s a good suggestion for our everyday lives. When this don’t go your way, or obstacles come up, breathe deeply and try to accept what’s going on. No guarantees, but it just might help.

Well, that’s all for now. It’s not brain surgery. Maybe there’s a nugget or two in here that will make you more confident (or scared) about the relationship you’re in.

Please follow us on Twitter @AsianWesternlov .