Five things you MUST do on your first date with an Asian lady.

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So you’ve got a “first date” with an Asian lady you are interested in. The “MUST’s” of your date are not brain surgery. They are pretty much the same as first date advice in any culture, but for an Asian/Western first date there may be some nuances that are different from what you would need to do for a first date within your own culture.

So here we go …

1. Smile — This is the first MUST, and pretty much commonsensical (nobody wants a second date with a sourpuss or someone that looks like they’re sucking on a lemon). But some Asians, while they like and welcome a “smile”, are less comfortable with someone that comes off as a grinning monkey. Just give a friendly grin that seems to communicate, “I’m happy to meet you and look forward to making a new friend.”

2. Avoid Conflict — Why on earth would you want to talk about subjects that could remotely generate conflict between the two of you. You can have spirited debates on your second, third, whatever dates. This first date should be “smooooth”, and I spell it that way for a reason. No pressure, no force.  So take politics, religion, international relations, etc. off the agenda.  I call these the “conversational minefields,” and you may not know you’ve stepped on one until it explodes. There are unlimited safe subjects to share about, e.g. music, movies, the weather, hobbies/sports, etc.

3.Compliment — An easy MUST to practice and a quick, effortless way to warm up to each other. Give the compliment early, building on your engaging smile. Everybody likes to be complimented, so pick something about your Asian lady you can honestly compliment her about. But be careful. Asian women seem to have a gift for sniffing out insincerity in Western men. Pick something you honestly like and tell her. It can be her hair, dress, etc. , but make it real. It can even be her nails, if it’s apparent she or the salon spent time on them.

4. Take Turns — This one can be a little tricky, but once you’re aware of it it’s not so hard. Your Asian lady will want to learn more about you, especially since even though your mutual introduction provided some information and background, you are still a “foreigner” to her. On her side she will ask questions and listen to your answers, but don’t get so engrossed in your story that you hog the conversation. One additional suggested MUST here is the reminder that your Asian lady will be conversing (and listening) in what for her is a second language. Speak as slowly as necessary and be ready to clarify what you said, or  what she is not quite sure she heard correctly.

5. Thank Her — This is just a good manners MUST. You both invested some of your private time in meeting, so sincerely thank her for hers. It doesn’t matter if a spark is not there from your side, or hers. You both made the effort, and now are certainly “acquaintances,” and maybe even “friends.” Thank her! Oh, and one additional thought here. Although if on this particular date you did not meet the special one you are looking for, there are three subsequent outcomes that may follow, all of them good: 1) your mutual opinions may change and you both want to see each other again in a “date” situation,  2) the two of you may remain in contact as friends and enjoy seeing each other in groups or special occasions and 3) knowing what she now knows about you, she connects you to a friend of hers who just might be perfect.

OK, there are the five MUSTS for your first date with an Asian lady. Like we said, it’s pretty much common sense and being polite. Your mother probably taught you what to do. Now do it!

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How do you know when it’s the real thing?

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I read an interesting, but short piece the other day by P. David Hornik. He set out his ideas as to what a relationship should have, if it’s going to be truly long lasting … perhaps, even, forever (as most all of us may be seeking!).

Hornik’s indicators are simple, and perhaps somewhat expected, but it’s nice to have another person confirm what we all should either know or suspect is necessary for that “REAL RELATIONSHIP.”

1. It ought to be fun. This one’s easy. If a relationship isn’t “fun,” why are you in it. No, it doesn’t have to be fun all the time, but if it’s not fun more time than not, you better be going….somewhere else, unless you are some kind of masochist.

2. No “excessive” demands. OK, everyone has their own “requirements,” “requests” …who knows, but a “demanding” relationship can get pretty heavy, pretty fast. Monitor the demands you each make on each other, VERY carefully.

3. Do you both “fit.” This one’s easy. Do you both easily go together. No, you can be different and like different things, but if you just feel happy together, you’ll know you’ve got a good “fit.”

4.  Accept each other. This kind of goes with the “fit” above in #3 and it’s a good suggestion for our everyday lives. When this don’t go your way, or obstacles come up, breathe deeply and try to accept what’s going on. No guarantees, but it just might help.

Well, that’s all for now. It’s not brain surgery. Maybe there’s a nugget or two in here that will make you more confident (or scared) about the relationship you’re in.

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