Evidently, at least in the United States, many guys have started adding photos of themselves, posing with a tiger, to their online dating profiles.
The Wall Street Journal reports there’s been an big increase of tigers in men’s profiles on online dating websites. Whether the idea is to just be different, suggest he’s well traveled, a brave guy or something else, the use of tigers in online dating profiles seems to be reaching almost epidemic levels, with more and more big cats showing up in profiles of guys hoping to connect.
Now, we recognize everyone wants to stand out in their online dating profile, seem special and different…in a good way. However, if you’re using a tiger photo to juice up your appeal, and a large a large number of competing profiles are too, then the risk is you seem to be “just one of the guys,” and worse, lacking any real creativity. Then again, if you are a safari hunter in Africa, maybe it works.
In the Wall Street Journal article, one female user of a dating site reported the more tigers she saw online, the less original the photos seemed. She now compares tiger photos with writing “I love to laugh” on a dating profile—a cliché and, for her, an automatic rejection.
Our advice is it goes to show that you need to make your online profile uniquely and sincerely about YOU, not the photo set, props, or location. And maybe, just maybe, that means less is more.
Then again, it doesn’t seem that elephants are being used much in online dating profiles … yet!
The highly respected United States reference resource, the Merriam-Webster Collegiate® Dictionary, has added new words for 2014, includingcatfish …“a term that refers to a person who sets up a false social networking profile for deceptive purposes”. To be included in the dictionary’s annually announced new content, a word must be used and understood by a significant number of people.
Gee, if a lot of people using online dating services know and understand this new word, it probably means there’s a problem, don’t you think?
I wrote a post a few days ago that highlighted some of the dangers and disadvantages of “online dating.” The two major negative points were: 1) the extensive presence of downright “scammers” and 2) users that misrepresented themselves in their profiles or email exchanges, e.g. marital status, physical attributes, age, income, etc.
Now, it’s pretty hard to catch an online liar right off, especially if you can’t see them or research their claims and self-descriptions. However, Elizabeth Bernstein’s recent Wall Street Journal article on “How to Tell If Someone Is Lying to You in an Email,” provides a number of tips to give you an at least a fighting chance to detect when an online acquaintance is being less than honest. Things to look for include the omission of personal pronouns and references, hedging or changes in subject when asked something and changing tenses in the middle of an exchange. There are many more, but for that you should read the article.
There should be a better, safer way to meet new people rather than online … and there is.
Online dating is very popular these days. In fact, if you believe the Pew Research report from February, 2014, (conducted in the United States, but the results probably reflect most developed countries) more than 20% of under-35 young adults have used an online dating service, with 6-8% of older adults also saying they did.
That’s good news, right? Well, not necessarily. Before you put all your hopes in the online relationship sweepstakes, think about what’s good and bad in doing so.
The Good News
There are MILLIONS of people who “appear” to be online, saying they’re looking (just like you) for a relationship. That’s a pretty big talent pool, even at the “older” end. Obviously, everyone on planet Earth who’s online is not going to be geographically of interest, but in the U.S. alone, research from StatisticBrain.com claims there are over 40 million who have tried online dating.
You can meet total strangers, while you’re dressed in your underwear or less. Yep, that’s one of the good things about doing most anything online, from dating to shopping to…well, you know. No need to get dressed up, burn gas to meet or buy dinner. Just click your mouse.
There is no Number 3 under “Good News,” so let’s get right to the “Not-So-Good News” about online dating.
The Not-So-Good or Downright BAD News
Online dating is THE place for what are called “scammers.” And “scammers,” in this sense, definitely are not looking for a relationship. They only are looking to get something from you, and it is NOT love … money, sex, gifts, sympathy, etc. Dating online is the perfect place to work their scam. They don’t have to be truthful and can pretend they are someone they are not. Their victims many times are emotionally vulnerable, maybe lonely or recovering from a previous break up or loss.
Although there are a lot of people registered with online dating services, there is a large segment of them who really aren’t seriously looking for a relationship, or may be just “playing around.” While not scammers, these people are just time-wasters. In fact that same Pew Research above says that 33% of those online have NEVER gone on a date with someone they met online. They may be married or seriously committed, and just like to play pretend-games anonymously after their husband or wife has gone to bed. Whatever the reason, there are a lot of them. They may chat back and forth online for an long time, but they never plan on meeting in person.
Many online dating services show large numbers of members as active, but they’re not. They may have given up looking, found someone and gotten married or died. Whatever the reason and wherever they’ve gone, this practice keeps the dating service’s “total members” numbers high, but it’s very misleading. And once registered with a service, they can make it very hard to delete your account and profile. Personal note: I’ve been married over three years, tried (unsuccessfully) to delete two online accounts I had, and I STILL receive “interested ” queries from members seeing my (apparently still active ) profile.
Well there you have some things to think about. Online dating is BIG and EASY. It can also be misleading, disappointing and, careful please, potentially dangerous (StatisticBrain: 10% of sex offenders use online dating to meet people).
Is there a better way to avoid some of this bad news and meet people who are real and sincerely interested in a long term, serious relationship? Yes there is, and we’ll tell you about it in some upcoming posts.
You better have the answers to these questions, before getting too serious in a cross cultural relationship. 1. ARE THEY A SCAMMER? Scammers, figuratively speaking, come in all shapes and sizes. OK, that’s a little joke, but you get the … Continue reading →
Welcome to our Asian Western Love blog. If you haven’t caught on already, it’s aimed at men and women who want to be half of a couple, with an Asian lady (my wife Sumaree is Thai) and a Western man ( I’m Mike, an American … Continue reading →