Why are there so many scammers in online dating?

Gee, maybe it’s because there are so many gullible victims there.

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It’s a well known fact that online dating is full of scammers, dishonest people trying to get money or just wasting your time with their fake profiles or playing on your emotions with insincere romantic promises. OK, so there are many people on online dating who are dishonest, a little or a lot, but why? What are the reasons?

Reason # 1

One of the big reasons for much of online dating dishonesty is how easy it is for people to disguise and misrepresent their physical selves on the internet. That tall, handsome man’s profile could really be a short, fat guy. Same for the beautiful lady: she could could be very physically unattractive… or worse, a man! Everybody wants to look good, so what’s wrong with a photo that’s out of date or has been “slightly” photo shopped? Hmmm, I wonder.

Reason # 2

Another reason that attracts dishonest people to online dating is that it’s a great way to actually live out “other dimension” fantasies and construct whole “other” lives they can share and talk about with online contacts. Their victims have no idea what they’re learning about the other person is all made up.

Now, I’m not a mountain climber, nor do I want to be (I’m afraid of heights!), but I guess maybe once I connected with someone online, I could tell them I climbed Mount Everest (but didn’t have the photos and would show them some other time). Or maybe tell them I was a military veteran, decorated for bravery, but really didn’t want to talk about it. The false lives and lies to support them can be big or small, but they are limited only by the imagination and creativity of the dishonest people.

Reason # 3

However, the most serious dishonesty operating in online dating comes from those scammers seeking money or worse. (Remember, there are criminals and sex offenders lurking online.) The reason these types are busy hunting on online dating sites is that so many online daters are emotionally vulnerable and easy to be taken advantage of. Many of these “victims” turn to online dating , because they’re just coming out of a relationship, marriage, etc. They are scared, hopeful, maybe desperate to find that perfect someone for them. And they are super vulnerable for the “pros,” who are just cruising the internet like sharks looking for them.

And that brings us to the example below.

A scary “scammer” story and proof that some people just don’t learn

An Australian man spent more than $20,000 funding scam artists he thought were in love with him, now has plans to propose to his girlfriend in the Philippines, whom he believes is the real thing.

I’m not making this up!  And I’m using this example to show how people how people can get scammed MULTIPLE TIMES, and still believe in online dating.

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The young Aussie is Ben Ivey. He’s 32 years old, looks normal and has been scammed out of    $20,000 by three women over three years.

The reason he gives is his emotional vulnerability at the time: “I think the reason why I got  scammed three times was because of my loneliness and I just wanted to have someone to  love  and I was prepared to do what I could to make the women happy.”

The scammers are smart, and know how to play on a person’s weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Ben said, “Every time they asked me for money, I told them about the previous scammer and how upset I was by that, but they assured me it wouldn’t happen again. I believed every time this would come true, but it didn’t.”

Now he AGAIN thinks he’s found his perfect partner online and is going to the Philippines to meet her and her family. We’ll probably never know if there’s a good ending to his online search, but we know for sure his story is a good illustration of what happens when expert scammers catch a victim they can take great advantage of.

For the full article.

Hope you’ve enjoyed this post and maybe learned some things from it. Remember, the best way to protect yourself from online dating scammers, is to use a reputable matchmaking agency like us, at Asian Western Love.

Please visit us here and follow us on Twitter @asianwesternlov

 

 

 

 

Five things you MUST do on your first date with an Asian lady.

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So you’ve got a “first date” with an Asian lady you are interested in. The “MUST’s” of your date are not brain surgery. They are pretty much the same as first date advice in any culture, but for an Asian/Western first date there may be some nuances that are different from what you would need to do for a first date within your own culture.

So here we go …

1. Smile — This is the first MUST, and pretty much commonsensical (nobody wants a second date with a sourpuss or someone that looks like they’re sucking on a lemon). But some Asians, while they like and welcome a “smile”, are less comfortable with someone that comes off as a grinning monkey. Just give a friendly grin that seems to communicate, “I’m happy to meet you and look forward to making a new friend.”

2. Avoid Conflict — Why on earth would you want to talk about subjects that could remotely generate conflict between the two of you. You can have spirited debates on your second, third, whatever dates. This first date should be “smooooth”, and I spell it that way for a reason. No pressure, no force.  So take politics, religion, international relations, etc. off the agenda.  I call these the “conversational minefields,” and you may not know you’ve stepped on one until it explodes. There are unlimited safe subjects to share about, e.g. music, movies, the weather, hobbies/sports, etc.

3.Compliment — An easy MUST to practice and a quick, effortless way to warm up to each other. Give the compliment early, building on your engaging smile. Everybody likes to be complimented, so pick something about your Asian lady you can honestly compliment her about. But be careful. Asian women seem to have a gift for sniffing out insincerity in Western men. Pick something you honestly like and tell her. It can be her hair, dress, etc. , but make it real. It can even be her nails, if it’s apparent she or the salon spent time on them.

4. Take Turns — This one can be a little tricky, but once you’re aware of it it’s not so hard. Your Asian lady will want to learn more about you, especially since even though your mutual introduction provided some information and background, you are still a “foreigner” to her. On her side she will ask questions and listen to your answers, but don’t get so engrossed in your story that you hog the conversation. One additional suggested MUST here is the reminder that your Asian lady will be conversing (and listening) in what for her is a second language. Speak as slowly as necessary and be ready to clarify what you said, or  what she is not quite sure she heard correctly.

5. Thank Her — This is just a good manners MUST. You both invested some of your private time in meeting, so sincerely thank her for hers. It doesn’t matter if a spark is not there from your side, or hers. You both made the effort, and now are certainly “acquaintances,” and maybe even “friends.” Thank her! Oh, and one additional thought here. Although if on this particular date you did not meet the special one you are looking for, there are three subsequent outcomes that may follow, all of them good: 1) your mutual opinions may change and you both want to see each other again in a “date” situation,  2) the two of you may remain in contact as friends and enjoy seeing each other in groups or special occasions and 3) knowing what she now knows about you, she connects you to a friend of hers who just might be perfect.

OK, there are the five MUSTS for your first date with an Asian lady. Like we said, it’s pretty much common sense and being polite. Your mother probably taught you what to do. Now do it!

Please follow us on Twitter @AsianWesternLov .

 

Online Dating Sites’ Numbers Don’t Mean Anything

“There are now 274,557 registered members…4,323 online now.

                                                                          “Largest Asian dating site; over two million members.”

“Largest Thai dating site; over one million members.”

                                                     “Join 544,422 members at the biggest free site…”

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Online dating sites like to throw around a lot numbers…BIG numbers. Now any time you see a BIG number from an online dating site, remember there are a few things you need to take into account.

First of all, even if these numbers were absolutely true (which they’re not), they are all wildly inflated. Now, some would call that “marketing”, not lying. It really doesn’t matter anyway if you’re looking for a serious, single partner for a long term relationship. Scammers and serial daters need a large prospect audience. You, on the other hand, just need the RIGHT ONE, so it’s almost like a larger membership is not good news, because it means you are going to have to sift through more WRONG ONES.

A second word of caution just to keep you in the real world: when you see a claim of so many “xxxx members online now,” disregard it unless you don’t have a subscription to an online chat service and just want to “chat” with someone right now. First of all, again, these numbers are usually more or less made up. And what does it matter to you (unless you’re really lonely and don’t have the latest chat app on your device)?

And last, but not least, understand what the words that connect to the BIG numbers claims really could mean. “Registered,” “active,” “verified,” etc. sound good when these words are connected to “members,” but actually could mean nothing. A member could have “registered” five years ago, never formally cancelled the free level of their membership and still be counted in the giant pool of “registered” members. Words are just words on these sites, and can be applied very generally.

If you are serious about carefully finding your special someone, you should consider a matchmaking service like ours, Asian Western Love. We take an approach to your needs and interests that doesn’t rely on thousands of “possible” chances. We don’t see your relationship search as the lottery with comparable BIG numbers. You only need to find the right ONE, and having to sort through thousands doesn’t make that any easier or successful.

 

Confused by All the Special “Niche” Online Dating Sites?

ConfusedWell, if you are confused, no one could blame you, since it seems there are dating sites for just about every “niche” under the sun. These sites say they specialize in matching individuals that share some overriding common characteristic or interest: Gay (and separately “Lesbian”), Millionaire, “Sugar Daddies” (although maybe that one should go with “Millionaires), Christian (and I’m sure there’s one for “Atheists”), Single Parents, etc. etc. etc.

I think you get the idea —there’s unlimited ways to slice the dating “pie”. Of course you can always go with the big, monster online sites like Match, eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, even Tinder, but they’ve got their own problems, so maybe you’re considering going “niche ” i.e. targeted.

Below I’ll share just a few niche players that seem to be relatively established, just to give you the idea. Then I’ll add a couple newbies that stretch the envelope, so to speak, and prove that there are people trying to connect people with almost any interest.

And then, we’ll give you our take at Asian Western Love on whether you should even wade into the “online dating scene,” using a large or small site. Or maybe consider matchmaking as the better alternative way to find your “Right One.”

Millionaire Match  (http://www.millionairematch.com/) — All right! Here’s where you can find those rich partners who will make all your dreams come true…well maybe, if they’re not a sociopath and if they didn’t lie on their financial profile.

Disabled/Handicapped (http://disabledfriendsdate.com/) — This is actually a kind of nice site for those that want a partner that shares a disability with them. Of course, there’s nothing to say that they couldn’t find willing partners on the more general sites, who are happy to overlook whatever disability they have.

Geeks  (http://www.gk2gk.com/)  — Guess this proves there’s someone for everyone. Who knows? When they get meet, maybe they can share a gigabyte together. I know. Bad joke.

OK, those are pretty tame, but now to stretch the envelope here are two sites that, again, prove there’s something for everyone.

Extramarital/Cheaters  (https://www.ashleymadison.com/) Have no idea if there really is an “Ashley Madison,” but if you’re planning to cheat on your spouse, this appears to be the place to go. They’ve been around some time, so they are apparently successful and must be a good number of unfaithful husbands and wives out there.

Marijuana Smokers (http://420singles.net/) This is a new site and coincides with the pressure for legalizing Marijuana that’s  sweeping across the U.S. Wonder if it’s important to know/like more about your potential partner than they just like to smoke grass and sit around stoned all day? Guess that would cut down on domestic arguments, but two people with the munchies all the time might just blow the grocery budget.

So what do we at Asian Western Love think about the niche AND general online dating sites? Well, surprise, surprise. We think using any of them, or any ONLINE approach is a risky, time-wasting effort. We believe that you stand to gain more, have no risk by using a reputable MATCHMAKER. People-to-people drive the process of finding your life partner, not computer touch screens or keyboards. We can help you.

Please follow us on Twitter  @AsianWesternLov

 

Reasons Why (some) Western Men Prefer Asian Women

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AWL_4AWL_1 Ok, OK… I know everybody has their own   reasons for anything they do, and that  applies to why “some” Western men are very attracted to Asian women.

I’m not talking here about the guys who see Asian women as sexy, readily available bar girls. Many of those guys formed (or reinforced) their views after repeatedly watching the movie, “Hangover 2 -Bangkok” or saving up and taking a holiday in Thailand and gravitating to the “sex districts” in Bangkok, Pattaya, etc.

I’m talking here about Western men who find Asian ladies more attractive (in many ways, not just physically) than Western women, and more desirable for forming and keeping a long term relationship.

While I can’t speak for everyone who shares that view, I CAN speak for myself and given that I have been married for four years  to my wonderful Thai wife,  I believe I have some basis for doing so.

With that as the set up, here are just three reasons why I (and maybe a lot of other Western men) are attracted to Asian women, and seek long term relationships with them, preferring them to the candidates we have in the general dating/marriage pool of women in the West.

Now remember, these are MY reasons

  1. Physically Attractive — Asian women, on balance, are more physically attractive than their Western counterparts in all age brackets. I know this sounds very shallow as a criterion for selecting a long term partner, but it is a fact. Asian genetics with their high cheek bones, full lips, etc. fight off the wrinkles. Their diets (although they are starting to be more westernized with fast food, etc.) help fight the extra pounds that Western women seem to start putting on after 40. Sure, there are prematurely wrinkled and fat Asian women, but they’re not as prevalent as in the West, and again, the overwhelming majority rank right up there at 7+ or better.
  2. Open, Loyal and Committed — All right, I know what you’re saying, “There are plenty of Western women like that, too.” And there are. This is also not to say that Asian women are meek, submissive, walk-three-steps-behind. They are strong, have their own opinions and in their cultures just as “liberated” as their Western sisters. However, most do come from societies that historically have clearly delineated the lines between men and women, not in a bad way, but in a mutually supportive good way that builds strong relationships. Some of it also comes, I think, from the influence of Buddhism throughout their cultures. I guess I would shorthand it as describing the Asian/Western relationship as almost always symbiotic, or 1+1=3 (or more). It seems too often in Western/Western couples there is an almost subliminal competitiveness that doesn’t always add support, and may in fact reduce what synergy was there when they started out.
  3. Mysterious, Exotically Different — OK, this one is all mine, but I KNOW it is shared by many of my Western friends (whether they are in or are seeking a relationship with an Asian lady). What you have in many Western minds is “she is different,” and almost always that’s seen in a good way. It’s not to say that Western guys (or I) sought out Asian women, because they looked, believed and acted DIFFERENT from Western women, but it gives the potential or blossoming relationship a uniqueness and freshness that many men find highly stimulating. And that in turn reinforced my personal view regarding Asian women, where #’s 1 and 2 above were concerned.

So there you have my two cents. Not saying my reasons are the only ones or the best ones, but they are working for my Thai wife and me.

We welcome your comments and other reasons or you comments you might have.

Oh, and please follow us on Twitter @AsianWesternLov . We’ll be launching our Bangkok-located matchmaking service soon, and want everyone to get the news early.

Couples Kit — Real Help or Gimmick ?

ChoicesThere is a Canadian company marketing a “Couples Kit” they say will help couples see if they are a good match. It is an at-home test that can claims it can scientifically predict whether you and your partner are a good long term match. Users submit a DNA sample for analysis and fill out an online questionnaire, which when scored by the company that created this, Ontario-based Instant Chemistry, users get feedback about each others’ personalities and how compatible there are.

The Couples Kit costs $164 USD, which seems like a pretty fair price, IF you believe it is effective doing what it claims.

Many people seeking a meaningful relationship instead will use an online dating service giving them a wide number of prospective partners and trusting themselves to evaluate how well potential matches may work out.

Of course using a matchmaking service can be the best, safest and ultimately most effectively predictive way to find the perfect “Right One.”

We’ll see whether this Couples Kit is successful in the market or turns out to be just a short term novelty gimmick. Our betting here at Asian Western Love is it won’t last long. Not because it doesn’t actually do what it claims (analyzing DNA and survey answers), but because there is so much more involved in finding the perfect match.

Popular U.S. relationship columnist gets a female reader’s advice on what makes a good man’s online dating profile.

Saw this the other day and thought many guys might benefit from it. “Dear Abby“, is a syndicated newspaper column that’s been around forever, but we men can’t argue that the lady reader’s suggestions aren’t good.

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MEN POSTING PROFILES ON DATING SITES COULD USE A FEW TIPS
By Abigail Van Buren
June 17, 2014 1:00 AM
Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: May I sit in your chair and give some advice today? It’s aimed at men who place ads on dating sites and then wonder why they can’t meet “quality” women.

I’m an educated, decent-looking, middle-aged widow who has dated quite a lot through such ads and local social groups. Yes, it can be a jungle out there, but the Internet is a wonderful tool for bringing people together.

I live in a small town, and the pool of eligible men is smaller here than in metropolitan areas. That said, there are few profiles that attract my attention and that of my divorced/widowed friends.

Gentlemen, some pointers:

1. Smile! A dour expression is unpleasant.

2. We may want to see you with your shirt off after we get to know you, but it’s not the most appealing or refined pose for a first look.

3. Be realistic. If you are Joe Average, we Jane Averages would enjoy meeting you. Are you really going to hold out for a model who is a decade or so younger than you?

4. Be kind to the English language. You don’t have to be a genius, but it would be nice to know you can competently communicate in writing.

5. Consider a shave. Some women like men with facial hair; the majority of the ones I know do not. About 75 percent of men over 50 have a mustache, beard or both. What are you hiding under there?

6. If you’re married and miserable, for goodness sake, go for marriage counseling or get a divorce. But please don’t deceive women who want to meet a nice guy to share life with.

In case you think I’m being too harsh, we gals welcome any suggestions from men who scroll through those female profiles looking for love. — SURFING IN PETERSBURG, ILL.

DEAR SURFING: I’m printing your letter, and I’m sure the reaction will be interesting. The No. 1 complaint I’ve heard about Internet dating has to do with misrepresentation on both sides of the gender divide.

Full article.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Online Dating Giants Spending More and More on Advertising — What Does It Mean?

Media sources report the two biggest online dating players, Match and eHarmony are cranking up their media advertising in 2014.

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According to media tracking service, iSpot, through May 31, the online dating industry has spent more than $214 million on national TV spots in 2014, dramatically more than the $241 million for the full year in 2013. Of the 2014 total, the top five brands account for nearly 95% of total spending.

And of that greatly increased TV advertising spending, two brands, Match and eHarmony, together spent $130 million or over 60% of the industry TV spending in just the first five months of 2014.

So we have increasing total industry spending and giant increases in TV for the two leading players.

What can it mean?

1. Online dating is a large and, evidently, continually growing industry.

2. The top five online dating brands want to capture some of that growing customer audience.

3. Match and eHarmony each want to maintain a strong competitive position versus the other.

What it also means:

Online dating has some characteristics that are almost a bit like a scam. With claimed “member” totals infiltrated by scammers and inflated by counting those who have left the sites and “gone missing” and are inactive, online marketers need to continually attract new users to replace those lost from their proverbial “leaky bucket.”

That’s why many who have tried online dating to find a meaningful, long term relationship feel they are being emotionally churned about without any real progress toward their goal. Of course, from the industry perspective it’s all good, because each one of those people counts as a MEMBER!

And that folks is why the industry HAS to keep aggressively marketing its services. They need the NUMBERS, when it comes to member counts. Not successful relationships, not satisfied members, but large and increasing member totals … and those are increased by marketing and one of the most successful marketing tools is television advertising!

So there you have it. Big brands in online dating advertise a lot to keep their member totals up. And as their member databases grow, don’t you feel better about finding your special someone among them? I didn’t think so.

There’s got to be a better way ….and there is.

Stay tuned and please follow us on Twitter: @AsianWesternLov

 

 

 

 

How do you know when it’s the real thing?

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I read an interesting, but short piece the other day by P. David Hornik. He set out his ideas as to what a relationship should have, if it’s going to be truly long lasting … perhaps, even, forever (as most all of us may be seeking!).

Hornik’s indicators are simple, and perhaps somewhat expected, but it’s nice to have another person confirm what we all should either know or suspect is necessary for that “REAL RELATIONSHIP.”

1. It ought to be fun. This one’s easy. If a relationship isn’t “fun,” why are you in it. No, it doesn’t have to be fun all the time, but if it’s not fun more time than not, you better be going….somewhere else, unless you are some kind of masochist.

2. No “excessive” demands. OK, everyone has their own “requirements,” “requests” …who knows, but a “demanding” relationship can get pretty heavy, pretty fast. Monitor the demands you each make on each other, VERY carefully.

3. Do you both “fit.” This one’s easy. Do you both easily go together. No, you can be different and like different things, but if you just feel happy together, you’ll know you’ve got a good “fit.”

4.  Accept each other. This kind of goes with the “fit” above in #3 and it’s a good suggestion for our everyday lives. When this don’t go your way, or obstacles come up, breathe deeply and try to accept what’s going on. No guarantees, but it just might help.

Well, that’s all for now. It’s not brain surgery. Maybe there’s a nugget or two in here that will make you more confident (or scared) about the relationship you’re in.

Please follow us on Twitter @AsianWesternlov .

 

What do “tigers” have to do with online dating?

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Evidently, at least in the United States, many guys have started adding photos of themselves, posing with a tiger, to their online dating profiles.

The Wall Street Journal reports there’s been an big increase of tigers in men’s profiles on online dating websites.  Whether the idea is to just be different, suggest he’s well traveled, a brave guy or something else, the use of tigers in online dating profiles seems to be reaching almost epidemic levels, with more and more big cats showing up in profiles of guys hoping to connect.

Now, we recognize everyone wants to stand out in their online dating profile, seem special and different…in a good way. However, if you’re using a tiger photo to juice up your appeal, and a large a large number of competing profiles are too, then the risk is you seem to be “just one of the guys,” and worse, lacking any real creativity. Then again, if you are a safari hunter in Africa, maybe it works.

In the Wall Street Journal article, one female user of a dating site reported the more tigers she saw online, the less original the photos seemed. She now compares tiger photos with writing “I love to laugh” on a dating profile—a cliché and, for her, an automatic rejection.

Our advice is it goes to show that you need to make your online profile uniquely and sincerely about YOU, not the photo set, props, or location. And maybe, just maybe, that means less is more.

Then again, it doesn’t seem that elephants are being used much in online dating profiles … yet!